One outstanding example of forgiveness occurred when Corrie Ten Boom met a former Nazi Officer who had abused her and her sister during imprisonment, assisting in the death of other prisoners. He told her he had become a Christian and proceeded to ask Corrie to forgive him. As he reached out his hand towards her,

Corrie resisted. Then, in obedience to God, as she extended her hand towards him she felt the surge of the Holy Spirit pour through her in a supernatural act of forgiveness.

Chuck Colson tells the story about a Mrs. Washington who, during a graduation ceremony for inmates completing a Prison Fellowship program, swept to the stage to wrap her arms around a graduating inmate, declaring "this young man is my adopted son." Everyone had tears in their eyes for they knew that this young man was behind bars for the murder of Mrs. Washington's daughter.

Accounts like this are amazing! How could people like Corrie and Mrs.Washington endure such great injustices and then turn around to forgive the villains? Yet all they did was purely obey the command: "forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

Phillip Yancey wrote: "Forgiveness is another way of admitting, 'I'm human, I make mistakes, I want to be granted that privilege and so I grant you that privilege.' "

Forgiveness cancels a debt someone owes us and restores relationship. It is the only solution in a world ridden with sin and evil to help us start over with people and with God.

We learn about real forgiveness at the foot of the cross where Jesus Christ shed His blood to pay for the sins of the whole world. That is God's kind of forgiveness- - free, sacrificial, no cost on our part.

When we experience His forgiveness we want to obey Him like Corrie and Mrs. Washington, extending that forgiveness to others.

So, how do we practically forgive a spouse who has betrayed us through an affair or abuse? Here are some Steps to Forgivingness. Applying these steps to our lives can help deliver us from bitterness and work towards forgiveness and ultimately the healing of our marriage:

1. We need to know and experience Christ's love and forgiveness deeply in our own lives. Col. 3:13

2. We can make the choice to forgive. When Corrie Ten Boom extended her hand to the former Nazi officer, she did it choosing to follow Christ versus her feelings. Paul writes in Eph 4:31-32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."NIV

3. Christ can help us overcome negative thoughts and beliefs which block forgiveness. We can ask Him to soften our hearts and change our minds towards our spouses, granting us the power to forgive him/her. Phil. 4:8, 13

4. We can recognize that we are sinners in need of forgiveness. This helps us empathize with those who have injured us. Mrs. Washington's acceptance of her daughter's killer was based on her realization that she was a sinner in need of grace as well. Paul writes in Rom 15:7-8

"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."

5. The Holy Spirit can empower us, when we surrender to Him daily, with the fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-control towards those who have hurt us.....towards the spouse who has betrayed us. Galatians 5:22-3

6. When it's still hard to forgive, we can place our trust in God Who will someday judge all the wrongs in the world. We can leave revenge and justice up to Him..... because Proverbs 20:22 says "Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the Lord, and He will deliver you." and Paul writes in Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. Revenge won't give you the peace and satisfaction you need. Revenge and or punishment will only serve to destroy you and your marriage.

7. When we are stuck in unforgiveness, we can ask to talk and pray with a confidante, a pastor or a counselor to help us deal with the resentment and hurt we feel towards the offender. This will provide a context for release of the painful feelings we are experiencing, provide support, and a better understanding of our spouse and our situation.

When others hurt or abuse us, disrespect or humiliate us, we can forgive them as Corrie and Mrs. Washington did. God, Himself, is the power behind our ability to forgive. He can enable us to do the impossible: "for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose". Phillippians 2:13

Perhaps the most powerful outcome of forgiveness is that it changes and enables us to become more like Christ Who said as He hung dying on the cross... "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

God's love and grace is the power behind forgiveness, granting us supernatural power to forgive others, the power to overcome resentment, the power to redeem relationships and show God's love to a hurting world.

........So, in dealing with forgiving your spouse, you need to decide: "am I going to let this go?". That is the ultimate question. Are you going to put this affair or abuse in the past? Are you going to let God handle it? If your spouse is not willing to change......to stop having affairs or stop the abuse, then, it's time to put an end to the marriage. You should not allow yourself or family to be endangered. Neither should you risk

continuing in a marriage where trust cannot be rebuilt because your spouse chooses not to keep his/her vows. Jesus said in Matthew 19:9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." NIV

Therefore, we can conclude that divorce is allowed by God biblically when there is continued unfaithfulness. Seek pastoral advice regarding this. Read more about affairs and advice for relationships. 

Go to Healing Your Broken Marriage by Rebuilding Trust: Part 4